Rated R for pervasive sexual and crude content including aberrant sexuality, strong language and some drug material.

97 Minutes

That guy’s being awfully forward with that donkey. 

Synopsis

In the twelve years since the original film was filmed Randal managed to leave a pot of coffee on at work and burnt the Quick Stop down.  In the meantime Randal and Dante have found themselves employment at the fast food chain Mooby’s.  While Randal is content in another dead end job, Dante is planning on moving away with his fiance and work a real job.  Randal is appalled at this possibility and tries to talk Dante out of the idea, while Dante is not excited about the move, being stuck at Mooby’s is not his life goal either.  When another woman becomes an option and fun character’s get in the way, Dante is suddenly unsure of what he must do.

Review

That wasn’t even a movie, and that is not tongue in cheek humour like it would have been for it’s original.  Before diving into the ugly that was Clerks II, there were some positive aspects.  The actual script was hilarious.  When read on paper and imagining your favorite character’s saying these things it sounds great.  It again becomes two guys basically just talking about their lives and existing in a business of customer service.  Unfortunately what happens in Clerks II is someone decided to try and make it a romantic comedy with a gay love triangle!  The greatest irony about the argument between Randal and the Hobbit Lover discussing the homosexual tension between Sam and Frodo was exactly the feeling evoked from the relationship of Randal and Dante.  Instead of Gollum in this situation we have Becky.  It truly pains me to say such negative things about a Kevin Smith movie, but it was awkward, uncomfortable, and sent mixed signals in every direction.  There are definitely some serious hysterical moments of laughter that will be born from parts of the movie, but even their excellent comic coups won’t warrant a second viewing of this mixed up movie.

Best Points?  Some of the random dialogue was killer, especially the Lord Of The Rings and Star Wars arguments, Pillow Pants, and the Donkey Show.

Worst Points? The sexual tension between Dante and Randal, and the drive Dante and Randal take in the early evening with the cheesy soundtrack playing.  It was done as a non-mocking very serious bonding moment.  Had it been portrayed in the fashion of Wayne and Garth on their way to the Alice Cooper concert, it would have became a winning scene instead of a sappy obnoxious one.

Cast

• Brian O’Halleron as Dante
• Jeff Anderson as Randal
• Rosario Dawson as Becky
• Kevin Smith as Silent Bob
• Jason Mewes as Jay
• Ben Affleck as Gawking Guy
• Kevin Weisman as Hobbit Lover
• Scott Mosier as Concerned Father
• Jason Lee as Lance Dowds
• Wanda Sykes as Wife

One of the greatest aspects of the original relationship and existence of Dante and Randal in particular was how one dimensional it was, but in this film there was a lot of depth shoved on their characters that distracted from any possible funny scenes.  It required them to really act, when they aren’t really great actors.  This is not their fault.  The actors weren’t really given the chance to shine because they were too overshadowed by a vomit worthy soundtrack and a vulgar comedy trying to be a chick flick.  It was more like a piece of fan fiction than Kevin Smith.

Ratings and Suggestions

Clerks should have been left as it was.  A happy accident in cinema history.  It’s simplicity will never be able to be duplicated or made again because part of it’s brilliance is it’s original concept and thinking.  It’s takes away it’s integrity by trying to play the same one in a million card twice.  Kevin Smith humour has proved it’s success in many other films where the same kind of brilliant dialogue is common tongue.  Even Kevin Smith himself admitted after Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back that it was Clerks II.  So why was Clerks II made?  It’s a mystery.  I think the only people who will enjoy this movie are Kevin Smith fans, and I doubt the real fans will enjoy it much, but only appreciate the quirky script and few moments of funny.  I say, don’t rent this movie.  If more Clerks humour is what you desire just go purchase or rent the cartoons.  Now that was funny and shouldn’t have been canceled.  Only because there were some witty scenes and dialogue it gets One and a Half stars out of Four.

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