Mobster’s Rating: 
In a theater nearby,
Today you can find,
A movie that’s got green on its mind,
Trundle on in, get snug in your seat,
Chomp on your popcorn,
Prop up your feet,
And get ready for the tale of the Lifted Lorax…
Based on a book by that Seussiest of Seusses,
The Lorax tells of nature,
Abused for man’s uses,
There’s no subtlety applied in Theodor’s views,
And despite 40 years, they still rattle Fox News.
That old book was charming and quite a bit blunt,
And the Lorax was a funny, sanctimonious runt,
Now director Chris Renaud struggles to find,
A way to stretch the slight story to full running time.
So he takes Suess’ warning about industry gone wild,
And reduces it to the obvious, the bland and the mild,
Adding a boy, a girl and a town named Thneedville,
With a ham-fisted message about capitalist evil.
Thneedville is fake, false and inflated,
Everything’s plastic but the people are elated,
No one wants trees or things that are green,
Too busy with their snazzy cars and super flat screens.
So deluded are these Thneeds,
They don’t seem to care,
‘Bout being beholden to Mr. O’Hare,
Who conveniently sells ‘fresh’ bottled air.
The Thneedy boy is Ted,
Voiced by that Efron named Zac,
Thoughts of a girl have him all out of whack,
When he sees Audrey, he’s weak in the knees,
But all she really wants are Truffula Trees,
Sadly all gone, chopped right down,
So Ted goes looking for one,
Outside of town.
There he meets the Once-ler and the secret kept by O’Hare;
The world beyond Thneedville is burned up and bare,
See, it’ s that Once-ler,
Charmingly voiced by Ed Helms,
Who’s really responsible for this desolate realm.
The Lorax appears in those tales of the past,
And when he arrives, the film perks up fast,
Devito is droll and snarky, yet kind,
And all thoughts of boredom fly from the mind,
When he’s onscreen, which isn’t a lot,
He does his best with this limp-noodley plot.
The animals are cute and steal the show,
I really just wanted the humans to go,
Forget the kid and the old, crusty coot,
How ’bout more frolicking bar-ba-loots?
Who, thanks to the crew,
Look quite splendid in their bar-ba-loot suits.
Reduced to a sidekick in his very own flick,
The Lorax himself tries to make it all stick,
But it works in fits, with a stop and a start,
And what it ultimately lacks is a big dose of heart.
And that Lorax, what gives?
He wants the Once-ler’s chopping to quit,
But it turns out he’s a right hypocrite!
In one scene he’s playing just as well as you please,
A game of cards, which, as you know, come from trees.
At the end of the day, it’s all just a shrug,
Fun while it’s playing, but swept under the rug,
The added 3D doesn’t amount to a lot,
It’s not worth the extra cash,
Really, it’s not.
But, if you see it that way, please keep your wits,
Laugh and enjoy those cheerful bits,
And when the lights come up there’s one thing to know,
Instead of thinking about making stuff grow,
Remember to find that box,
Where those recycled glasses go.
Your review format cracked me up. I wish I had thought of that for our review. Sadly your review and is Suess like format is more authentic and superior in everyway to the film, which I consider and abomination.
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